A Group - 24 February, 2010

Merstham - Balcombe - Denbies

At the Half Moon Inn

Having pedalled against the tide to make a tardy appearance at N. Cheam, by the time I had removed my cape, they were off en route to Merstham, offering Simon and me a chase for our money. The climb up Hazelwood Lane was celebrated by Simon's first puncture (see Steph's photo). The freewheel to Merstham brought out the group's latent schizophrenia, with J&J taking the quicker route via Harps Oak Lane and the rest via Gatton Bottom.

Some were already gently steaming at Hunger's End as numbers gradually grew. When time was called, the group divided with the As heading due S for Balcombe and the Bs due W to Denbies. The southerly group was Graham H, Jeff, Julian, Mark and Simon, shepherded out of Merstham by Pete M in time to witness, after just a few hundred yards, Simon's second explosive breakdown of the day- this time his chain. After the exchange of a few furtive glances, a link extractor was unearthed and the chain smartly rejoined - alas outside the jockey wheel. The tutorial was then repeated, the chain now much cleaner with most of the grunge transferred to Simon's hands.

With the rain now at bay it was heads down and head for Nutfield, the pace soon moderated by Church Hill. Then across the A25 down Cooper's Hill and downhill nearly all the way via Outwood, Smallfield, Copthorne, Old Hollow and Turner's Hill Road. The cunning plan to use Standinghall Lane to Worth Abbey had been thwarted by a padlocked gate, which meant we were blessed with the welcome bonus of Turner's Hill, before doubling back to head South again down Back Lane and Paddockhurst Lane. Now just a stone's throw from Balcombe, Simon decided that it was time for another puncture.

This delay gave Mark and Graham the chance to sneak away for a quick sprint to Ardingly to challenge Cobb Lane (see Mark's map). However, P.C. Plod had other ideas and was waiting for them and blocked the road. Thus baulked, they had to skulk back to Balcombe to rejoin the rest of the party, drying out beside the fire at the Half Moon Inn. The menu was basic but adequate, the service relaxed to the point of dormancy, but our orders did eventually arrive. The bar was packed with at least three other drinkers.
At half past the hour it was time for the return. The route familiar via Handcross, Hammer Pond and Grouse Lane to Colgate. Here my left crank made a unilateral declaration of independence from the spindle. Fairly intense and repeated diplomatic efforts, some more forceful than others (including the use of some silver paper from a discarded cigarette packet) were needed to reconcile crank with spindle in order to negotiate the way via Faygate, Rusper and Newdigate to Denbies. The B group had gone, but we arrived just in time for the café closed sign. With light fading, it was time for each to plan his final, homeward leg, depending on distance and whether the handlebar furniture included lights or not.

The distance door to door just over 70 miles

Jeff

Post ride note: the pathologist's report on the crank revealed a missing bolt, absent from birth. A transplant is awaited.

Author: Jeff

1 Comment:

mike morley 27 February 2010 at 16:45 GMT

Jeff, I don't know how you got the heart to talk such Krapp, what transplant? My congratulations on such a wonderful write-up and for me an envious tough day out which I missed! As for Simon he does'nt know his strengh from within but 3 punctures sounds like bad management to me. I can't wait to get my new "Transformer Arm" and be out with you all again.